WHO IS THE PERFECT MAN?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!

I was talking to a friend of mine and she was saying that her preferred type is skinny, nerdy, arty guys with glasses...or else "big beefy Morrocan men". I judged her for a second until I remembered that I am exactly the same way except replace Morrocan with Latino because Latinos are more likely to think I'm cool just because I'm from North America.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE BEEFY AND ARTY? IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE SKINNY AND MACHO?? DOES THE PERFECT HYBRID MAN EXIST?!?! SO CONFUSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Can we start a joke band out of homemade instruments that will become an indie sensation?

R U 2 skinny to enact a convincing rape fantasy?

Are you willing to listen to reggaeton ironically while I listen to it seriously?

Can we have an open relationship where we both have sex with other men????

Do you secretly want permission to stop smoking weed on the corner with your friends and instead make cupcakes in the shape of animals and turn our bedroom into a big cardboard spaceship that we can have art parties in?

Are U the perfect man?????????? Or will U cheat on me cause there are skinnier girls who are better at art who also want the perfect man?!?!?!?!?!??!??

Josh, San Diego

Submitted by Erin: "This is Josh looking cool like a 1950s teenager on the beach."

When I first saw this picture in my inbox I was a little bit shmeh just another rayban d-lite showing some skin. Normal for me*. But the description just put him into a totally different context...made me "think outside the box"** if you will and made me feel nostalgic for a time when we were nostalgic about the 50s. .

You know who he is actually? Archie!!!!!!!!!!!! Or Reggie? A combination of the two?!!?!!? He is more physically like Reggie but looks nice in the personality like Archie.*** Maybe Archie made a Baby with Reggie and they called the baby Josh and then I saw the baby and the baby looked at me. Oh wait it's in California...MEN AREN'T ALLOWED TO MAKE BABIES WITH EACHOTHER THERE.

*There are five in my closet right now, but they are two dimensional and their blood is made of cardboard
** I invented that expression. I am quoting myself.
***His eyebrows are pointing up. That's what nice people eyebrows do.

Aleksandar and Matija, Croatia

Submitted by Marta: "here is a picture of my two friends, Matija and Aleksandar...Matija is my best friend, he is a real heart breaker, although never touched mine, guess I know him tooooo well! :) Aleksandar is cute too, just looks funny here..."

Yea!!!! (That's how my mom spells "yay"). I just want to say how happy I am at all the international submissions lately. I think it is important, if we are all going to find love in this crazy globalized\internetty\real-ish world we are living in, that we get used to different, international varieties of "hunk" as well as new and exciting spellings of names we all know and love.

Plus I feel more internet famous.

p.s. the one in the background is obviously making a weird face so I won't make any quasimodo references...oh wait...I JUST did.

Mathis, U.S.A via France

Submitted by Claire: "This is Mathis. He is a french exchange student staying at my house and he is GORGEOUS. Unfortunately he has a gorgeous girlfriend back in France :( . But that doesn't mean I can't try to hit on him, right? In French of course."

Ya he's really cyut. You know who he kind of looks like? EVERY OTHER MALE IN FRANCE. Seriously. When you move here you almost have a heart attack but after a few months you get a little "oh...another 6'2 stylish square-jawed man with swooping bangs more lush and luxurious than mine will ever be...shmeh...where can I find a sandich (sic) around here?".

I think that's why French girls have the reputation for being hot\playing it cool, it's because all the tourists come over in their stylish teevas and mini-backpacks, and all they can see for miles are these ladies with ratty hair and smoker's wrinkles rolling their eyes at their hot boyfriends. It's called supply and demand. (I took economics in high school)

Sporty\Intellectual\Classy, Paris

When I moved to Paris I remember how confused I was by everyone's clothes. Their idea of what goes together is not wrong it's just has a completely different logic than mine. Though I am trying to make the link, this picture is actually a poor example of what I am talking about.

But now I'm used to it and I'm kind of scared of going back to Canada\moving to another country one day because people just won't get my velvet jackets, bohemian batik elephant pants, uni-dread, scarf, headscarf and adidas running shoes melange. Melange is French for mix. I forgot English, that's how euro I am now.

P.S. that is my second reference to uni-dreads in less than a week. What could it all mean? I think it either means that

a) uni-dread represents everything I want to make fun of ever
b) I am secretly ashamed of having once coveted others' uni dreads. Mind you that was when I was in South America and 80-95% of the people I met had uni-dreads\wanted uni-dreads\listened to Manu Chao\had Manu Chao only sing-alongs. One time I tried to make one (a dread not a sing-along) by tying dirty elastics around a strand of hair but after a month all I had was a really greasy strand of hair.

Benoit, Paris

This is an impressive level of posing awareness for a boy...but OH NO THERE IS A GIANT BLACK SHADOW THAT IS GOING TO EAT HIM WHILE HE UNSUSPECTINGLY MAKES HIS JAW LOOK MORE SQUARE. You might think that it is just a finger over the flash...BUT YOU WOULD BE WRONG.

Natan, Israel

Submitted by G: "I think its illegal for me to love him because i dont think he can grow facial hair yet. he also gives me a creepy pedophile type smile, but i'm the actual pedophile"

This reminds me of the time I did it with an Israeli soldier. I briefly felt morally weird about it. But it was while I was travelling which is like international waters a.k.a. it doesn't count a.k.a. that's why all the South Americans thinks the gringas are sluts (and how!)

And...not like I would ever give up my skinny art boyfriends who make me feel like a giant wobbling monster who should be doing coke\heroin more often to stay in shape...but its nice once in a while when someone can lift you like you are a skinny feather!!! (not a fat feather...a skinny one).

p.s. this guy is really babe am I right?

Joel, Paris

I was at a party with Joel and he was always looking slightly amused by everything but in a way that said he was amused by everyone's foolishness and couldn't wait to tell his cooler friends about it later. Every time I made a joke I was compelled to look over at him to see if he was laughing at\with me. Then finally I cracked when someone (I?) made a joke and everyone was laughing and I looked over at him and he wasn't so I pointed and said "HE DOESN'T THINK IT'S FUNNY" (true story). And then it went quiet and he said "yeah I do, my face just...always looks like this". And then I felt sad.

Jailbait, Somewhere in Estados Unidos

Submitted by M. "I think this guy is effortlessly cute"

It's pretty easy to be effortlessly cute when you're a teen...you know when else? When you're a BABY.

Srsly...is it weird that I am posting teens? I still feel like a teen but technically according to the "established rules of time" I'm not. I just realized it the other day when I was trying to be young and modern in the big city and then I saw a teen gang of girls that all had better style than me and I wanted to kill myself. Possibly I started crying on the inside. I'm so used to being an older teen in the glorious period following being lame younger teen. H8 being old\parents not buying my clothes anymore.

Jewy D-lite

Submitted by Anonymous (by the forward-leaning camera-holding posture probably this guy)


I love a good Jew. Maybe it comes from listening to the soothing nasal voice of Ira Glass and his bffs Shalom and Israel every day after school on the interadio...but I think it is more because they are not allowed to love me. It's the same reason I am attracted to muslims. I am like world peace but beautiful lady version.

Nice Race, No Race

Submitted by Peach : "This cuteboy was not pleased with me photographing him after a bottle or two of wine. In fact he said "Kitty is not pleased!" and promptly turned to go pour us more vino. You might be wondering about his race.He's half Chinese and half Portugese, but is a bit of a chameleon (when he was in Afghanistan everyone thought he was Afghan)...A sexy chameleon"

Pros: ambiguous race (he is the world), traveling to Afghanistan (brave!), naked (normal for him!)

Cons: Kitty is not pleased? Do not get.

Greg, Akron

Submitted by Lily : "I'm sending you a picture of my boyfriend Greg, who's 22, lives in Cleveland, loves animals, is going to school to be an animal behavioralist and plays in 2 Cleveland area hardcore/powerviolence bands( I'm not entirely sure what that means but I think thats the proper classification)"

I'm not sure what it means either because I'm more into top R&B by my favourite recording artist Akon... OMG is he from Akon? Wait...no it's Akron...plus Akon is from Africa. That's a city I think.

Wait and Greg is from Cleveland. Is that the same as Akron...? And does Akron sing Kon-vict...Mu-sic?

Liam\Noel Gallager, Paris

Dood! If this guy wasn't so happy-go-lucky he could totally be from hit band Oasis!

Remember Oasis? And how they forever changed your ideas about British people? From queen + happy Ringo the train conductor to drunken angries with bushy eyebrows that always pointed down?

That's another inconsistency, this guys eyebrows should angrily be pointing down.

TWATTER (pun!!!)

Hello friends! I have Twitter now!!!! That is a picture of me benchpressing the internet while smoking a pipe because I am so casual and cool like a snowman!!!!!!!!!!!

I will be honest, I'm not so sure about twitter, in fact I only joined because all the other bloggers did and I wanted to be modern like them...but maybe in a few weeks we'll all be laughing about my hesitation via blackberry while drinking virtual martinis with virtual bodies (mine will be the skinniest!).

If you want to add me my name is CUTEBOYSCARY4ME...I hope you can handle my zaaaaany status updates!!! Warning there may be too much zany to handle!!!!!!!! You might sprout multicoloured pants and one dreadlock spontaneously!

T-Bo, Paris

What do you think of the chest hair? Me I think that how much chest hair is ok is a relative number. Like say 1:5 ratio between chest hair and head\face hair. In which case this is a good amount.

Also, if you're in a folk band or are a homosexual the ratio changes to 2:5 ...math fact!!! If you are both at the same time your chest is actually allowed to be part of your head!!!!!!!!!

Alex, Paris

I wonder how much longer glasses and plaid will remain a hunk look? I think at least one year, once it moves out of the pre-teen market and into the babygap one. OMG can't wait to have baby + put little plaid shirt and glasses on it!!!

Interview Win? Fabien Fabre!

After listening to ourselves giggling and awkwarding through this conversation both Fabien and I realized that we hated ourselves and wanted to die. Not in a Kurt Cobain way, more like a pre-teen-stuffed-in-a-locker-after-being-caught-hugging-his-teacher-and-telling-her-how-much-he-loved-reading way.

It's 12 minutes sooo I understand if you want to skip to the song at the end. But be aware that you will be missing one million of Fabien's hilarious French ways of saying things and a lot of me mumbling inaudibly under my breath and saying "um".

The links aren't working for some reason so go to http://www.myspace.com/fabienfabre to listen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mabeeb, Sydney

Submitted by Emma: "It is my brother's ex boyfriend (MBEB), who is sooo cute. I think he is the only thing I have been jealous of my bro possessing, except for maybe that he-man figurine from christmas '88! In the pic i had just sold my car to MBEB for a dollar. It seemed like a fair deal. I said i took the pic because i wanted to 'remember' the car...but hello, it was a shitbox, check out the bizarre stain on the door! nope i just thought he looked sooo cute in the driver's seat I had to capture the moment."

I don't have a brother but I see the mabeeb attraction anyways. This one here is quite cyut, especially if you like the cancer patient look (not sarcasm! It is a legitimate look!)

Security Guards, Fes

The one on the left looks a little puny but it is just the picture. In reality he was at least as babe as the boy on the right. Also I was really surprised when I saw the guy on the right was smiling because when I asked for their picture both of them looked at me as though I were a talking wart with googally eyes.

Modern Gentlemen Quarterlies

Submitted by C: from L to R they are Tim, Nick, and Will. Tim knows all the lyrics to High School Musical 3 and makes drinks that taste exactly like birthday cake! Nick is a crazily talented percussionist and Will is an ex-intern for GQ magazine.

I bet you have to look like this to be an intern a GQ. Including the facial expressions that say ¨I´m a female model trapped in a male model´s body.

Hey have you ever been to a party with male models? I did once and they actually always hold their faces like this. And it makes you realize how dumb you are for doing it yourself.

Picture FAIL: Bono, Fes

I was trying to get a picture of some cyut teens in the background but these fat fucking Irish tourists kept getting in the way.

HOMAYS, Fes

OMG I am the strongest woman of all time. Bravest lady to go up to scary group of homays! They hang out in packs so that we don't notice they look like middle aged overweight white ladies and\or Adam Sandler (muslim version). Still cyut cause scary though.

Abdellah, Fes

What's funny in Morroco is that all the businesses have little shrines up to the eldest son, even if there are a bunch of daughters actually working in them while the eldest son stands on the corner smoking cigarettes and looking handsome.

p.s. my mom yelled at me for taking this picture and said "you're going to make fun of him on the internet! that leaves a bad taste in my mouth, a bad taste" and then she kept sporatically saying "a bad taste" throughout the day. So although my mom is banned from reading this blog because I talk about anal sex and cocaine, for her benefit I want to tell everyone that Abdellah was in on the joke and I am not making fun of him I am making fun with him.

Kyle, Manila

Submitted by Pam ¨That's Kyle right after his classes ended for sembreak. He's my bestfriend and he's an amazing guitarist even though i've never heard him play. I think i just know he is. He likes pretending he's gay. :))¨

That´s a coincidence because boys always pretend to be gay around me too! Especially when I am hitting on them, HAHAHA they so silly.

Five Boys!!!!! Venezuela

This was submitted by my beautiful wife E., I call her my wife because she would be in a perfect world where gays could marry and I were a gay. We split up for a few weeks on our South America trip and I when we met up again I was really proud to tell her the story of how I had slept with an Argentinian (that was the story) but her story was way better:

"I met these Cyut Boys during a boat ride to Venezuela. They are super cute because:

a) they are traveling the world b) they like to make cute jokes (*see how they are laughing in the bed?!?!) c) language barriers are easy for them d) they all liked me.

We got into town very late and accomodations were scarce. So after finding the ONLY available room (I swear there were no more available rooms), the six of us shared the two beds. Ahem. After a bottle of rum, we all convinced ourselves that sharing the bed wasn't gonna be weird at all. I slept in the middle. It was cozy.

From left to right (of bed shot) we have: a Trinidadian, a French, a Belgian, a Danish and another French. I don't remember any names......However, I do remember waking up in the middle of the night and giggling cause I had a penis at my front AND back! It was really cute!!!

Big Galoot, Fes

I know this boy is not a classic beauty, but he seems like a loveable galoot who one could date for about four months before getting Bored Now. He reminds me of this guy I dated with really cute learning disabilities that would foil his attempts at sexy text messaging because they would say something like "I want to lick your clint".

The l'ilest parking lot attendant, Fes

You can park my car in your parking lot anytime ;) !!!! And by my car I mean my bicycle. And by my bicycle I mean your bicycle on my bike rack. And by your bicycle I mean your...picycle

(What? That's what all the kids are calling them these days! Don't blame my puns for you not knowing modern words!)